For a while, I was dating a freelance journalist and every month he would complain that he didn’t know what to write in his monthly column and every month I would make suggestions. Sometimes he would take them, sometimes not. This month, July, I joked that I could probably write his September column for him, he laughed and suggested I did. So I did. I sent him the copy below for his September magazine column, he rang immediately and said that I’d captured it so well he considered submitting it to his editor. At the time this was a fun idea, since then we’ve split up, and while I wish him no harm, he’s been pretty foul to me.

Today he phoned up and asked if I could resend the copy as he didn’t want to write anything himself. After some consideration, I said I would but I would invoice him, after all, he was going to get paid for the column and it was my work, so y’know fair’s fair. He declined, so I’m taking my words and putting them here, for free.

It was fun being a ghostwriter for a moment, but I prefer to be the one that gets paid for my work.

September magazine column in the style of my ex-boyfriend

“I’ve always loved September, the summer days linger in the golden light that will eventually turn to the colour of Autumn. September is also the month of back to school and I’ve always been seduced by the notion that there’s so much to learn in life.

I’ve recently introduced a friend, a self-confessed crossword phobic, to the joy of the Telegraph crossword, but the real star is their 10-year-old daughter who delights in the challenge of both the quick and the cryptic and will pronounce clues to be “feeble” if they don’t meet her exacting standard.

Life in my new flat gets easier every day, though I’ve still to master the terror of a fitted sheet and I’m no fan of being 18 floors up from the bins. The concierge and security staff are helpful, friendly and unswervingly wise; I’m amazed that chaps half my age seem to have double the insight into life’s challenges.

I’ve recently taken up dancing – not at any formal class or group – rather the kind of unbridled jumping about to great music that I used to do as a youngster. It is undoubtedly good for the soul, being able to jump, spin and dare I say “boogie” without a care in the world. Though I’ve discovered that I am, perhaps a little too out of practice to throw in a handstand without risk and that my impromptu “woofs” as I hurtle about the flat constitute a noise nuisance for the neighbours. Such an energetic pursuit of happiness it seems is best finished before 11 pm! 

Dancing hasn’t always held a such a dear place in my heart, I was once forced to waltz the maid-of-honour around the dance-floor at a wedding I was best man at. I ask you, is there anything more boring in dance terms than the waltz? Give me the louche leg-kicks of the Argentine Tango any day. If I ever felt the desire to attend a dance class it would be the Tango, especially as a friend who knows about such things describes it as “fancy walking” – I think even I could manage that without injury.

Technology continues to be a necessary evil, no sooner had my internet been installed than my Macbook decided to go on strike. Without it, work is slower, but my real fear is the loss of my photographs; so many memories that losing them would be unbearable. I should perhaps take a leaf out of a friends book who gets prints made up of their photos on monthly basis, turning their photos from memories in their phone to an exuberant gallery celebrating of the month’s events.

Something something something ( I ran out of steam here)  …. Earth Wind and Fire quote

“Our hearts were ringing

In the key that our souls were singing

As we danced in the night

Remember how the stars stole the night away”

They say that the day you stop learning is the day you die – here’s to a long life to you all.”